


Idle Thoughts

by nolirious



Series: Teddy-Owl Stories [2]
Category: Banana Bus Squad
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Roller Coaster, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-04
Updated: 2018-01-04
Packaged: 2019-02-28 09:56:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 908
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13269021
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nolirious/pseuds/nolirious
Summary: Right before you fall asleep, that time as your body tries to relax is where it is at its most vulnerable. Why does the lowest thoughts you've been repressing come at this time and beat you recklessly? You have to stop. Make it disappear.Will I be alright?





	Idle Thoughts

**Author's Note:**

> A short story made in the 2nd point of view, so whoever is thinking about these thoughts can be Evan or vice versa. Hopefully it doesn't become too confusing (since low-key it was written at like 2 am where emotions are vulnerable for me sigh)
> 
> Please enjoy!

Something that couldn't be said easily. The idle thoughts linger in your mind as you try to fall asleep and one by one it starts telling its own story, creating a scene artistically drawn for your imagination whether you have experienced it or not. The picture shows the floor and as you look up, you have someone who is dear to you standing in front. They smile while saying they'll be right back and walk away. For some reason you couldn't say no, for some reason it felt like it had been forever and they still haven't been back. You can't move, you can't speak. What's going on? What is this? Why do you suddenly have the feeling that you've been left behind?

 

This concoction seems so real. Now you see your friends have been updating you with their stories.

"The other day, the whole family on both sides came to visit! The cousins started playing games and by the end of they day everyone started singing. They're going to stay over for the next few days-.." Haven't seen the family as a whole in years.

"Just came back from a rave and it was the best night. We got to eat dinner with the DJs and went bar hopping with some new friends since the others flaked-.." Am I too boring for you to invite out?

 "After only a few weeks of being apart, they surprised me with a visit and gave me flowers! They said they couldn't stop thinking about me while they were away. They couldn't stop holding me-.." That's sweet. Will mine do sweet things to me like that as well?

"Hey, what about you?" They all stare at my direction.

"O-oh. Well. Someone like me can never have as much fun as you guys.." Wait. This isn't right. This feels wrong. It shouldn't be like this. You think to yourself that everything that you have right now is plenty. You're grateful. You're content. You're.. empty..?

 

It hurts. You start crying. Suddenly you come back to waiting for your dear one to return. Minutes, hours, days seems to have passed. The weather changes from hot summer to snowing winter in a blink of an eye and yet you're still sitting there outside staring at the distance, waiting. You look at your phone, 0 messages, 0 calls. You feel sick to your stomach for some reason. Shivers come down your spine as everything stops. You are now looking at your own body in a casket. Only your immediate family is there next to it, staring with pale faces. Hasn't it only been a day or two since I've been waiting? What happened..?

 

_Apparently you've been waiting weeks at the same spot without moving._

_Apparently no one checked up on you while you were waiting._

_Apparently you were just left there to die._

 

Where is everyone else, you ask? _Busy._ Did they really not care? _Probably not._ You gave out so much of your care and heart, yet when you're gone, they're gone as well? The people you call your friends cared for a moment until you stopped giving them attention. You're alone. You were born alone into this world and _you'll die alone in this world as well. You don't deserve to be here. Why are you here. Go. Just go away._ ..No. No way. You're being selfish. This isn't you. Why are you thinking about this. You are loved and you are cared for. You are important. You are not worthless. You can do this. You can fight it.

 

But smiling it away is all you can do for now.

 

You think of all the happy moments. A sigh of relief parts from you yet in the back of your head you can hear something laughing at you. Taunting you for being an idiot and telling you how insignificant you are. What's happening? Your head begins to spin, nothing is going right and you need to get rid of it. Even if you decide to calmly talk to yourself your conscious voice begin to scream louder and louder to it. 

yoU ARE MESSING WITH MY HEAD. GET OUT. I AM BETTER THAN YOU. AND YOU DO NOT STEER MY LIFE.

  
YOU ARE NOT ME. 

 

...

 

Stop.

 

A small noise is heard. You're back in reality. The dark familiarity of your own room is filled with heavy breaths as your head turns to your side and you see that your significant other is right there, sleeping soundly by your side. Your pupils become bigger as they try to gather as much light as possible to see the color of their beautiful face. Your imagination has simmered down. You softly press your lips onto their forehead and their arms tangle themselves around you as if it was second nature. The thoughts disappear. Another sigh of relief comes out, this time you finally feel relaxed. Everything may not be extravagant, but you can't help but smile. You're worth something to someone's eyes, and seeing it happen live right now is enough for you. You may want more, but with patience soon you will experience many things and love every moment of it. You can not let everything happen forcefully or it would not have as much value as it is supposed to. You drift away to sleep with them as you think, it is to love the small things so the special moments will be even more endearing.

**Author's Note:**

> (Edit: Sorry for not proof-reading well ^^; so I apologize for any mistakes)
> 
> I hope you liked this small story. Digressing from what happened the past few weeks with other news, just that the hope that someone is there who can comfort you is there and will always be.
> 
> In other updates, the continuation of Silent R's will come soon ^^; literally the next chapter is mostly written, it just doesn't feel like it's enough for some reason but! Hopefully in the next few weeks it'll be out. Please look out for it and thank you for reading!~


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